Ride the Wave.

July 24, 2022.

…the last week since being back home i find as im learning to live again and let my light shine, im feeling guilt and shame too. almost like im forgetting to grieve…

and then my brain chirps in “well what is the appropriate timeline to grieve?” Then my heart responds, “there is no timeline Jinelle, grief isn’t linear, and neither is healing.”

I decided to come home to Massachusetts to do exactly what i am doing…healing, recovering, refilling my lovetank, grieving and learning how to shine my light again after an unexpected heart breaking loss And as my beautiful friend Britt reminded me so kindly as I shared my feelings of guilt and shame with her that when a loved one dies they dont want you to sit in sadness, aching, hurting and wallowing over the loss of them not being physically apart of the planet anymore.

Jacob would want me, literally cheer me on to SHINE MY LIGHT and SHARE MY MAGIC “what are you sleeping on? What are you waiting for?” I remember him asking me one day when we were talking about how “we are different unique souls and you’ll never find anyone like us.” And he was right.

I am unique. You are unique. We are all magic Just masked under the fear of failure, doubt and worries of judgment from others and ourselves. There is magic being slept on all over the planet.

And I truly know moving forward doesn’t mean I’m forgetting, it just means I’m learning to live again and shine my light despite being lost in the darkness for a bit and having to now write in a new chapter to my story I truly never expected.

But for today…i continue to ride this messy magical wave..acknowledging all of my feelings, feeling them, hardddd letting them flow to then exit my body, because holding on is only hurting me in the healing process…#feelittohealit I am a human..hurting, healing and happy all at once..riding the wave.