Hello July

July 7, 2023

Well it’s only fitting that I write my first journal post for July and well over a month, while in California finishing up finalizing my FIRST book! Epic. As. Fuck. Amirightttt? YAS.

Wicked wild though..Honestly if you told me a year ago, last July 7, I would be in California, dog sitting at my wonderful homie’s Cali zen den, I would’ve said “are you shitting my dick? immediately no.” Because last year this time…honestly I’d have to SIT HARD and think, because my memory is SO shot from all the moving, trauma, death, detachment and well, jjust being a fuckin human….Sometimes your brain is broken and forgets things….Soooo LAST July…lemme think for a hot second…Somewhere back in Massachusetts figuring out my world again…Wondering “HOW” I still got back home and HOW I was going to heal the hole in my aching heart….

And now here I am, a year later in California, not needing to know the how and learning to just BE…This is a whole new way of life I am living and honestly, I continue to welcome it with open mind and a huge open heart…all of it open wider than I ever could have imagined.

I am open, eager, excited and ready to receive whatever the Universe has in store for me as I proofread, double check (lets be honest check 27x) my front and back cover book designs, reread all my poems ONE more time….But truly, whatever this California trip throws my way, I am doing my best to recognize the invitation as it comes at me, what is my choice to make and what feels BEST in that moment, then take energetically inspired aligned action to flow & follow suit, here & now. I am letting go of needing to know the HOW, because I have literally no idea HOW I got to California from a year ago when I barely made it home with a shattered grieving heart and hellish homeless of sorts living situation in SC. If I knew the how of anything….wow wow wow…Life would be wildly different. So instead of stressin the how….I’ve learned to FLOW, follow my intuition and self again, despite the discomfort of the unknown and uncertainty of life sometimes. I just KNOW that for the last year, I survived some of the darkest, most brutal broken times of my human existence and I am STILL HERE. HOW? I don’t know…I mean I DO, the practices, faith, mindset, I have instilled, practiced and worked so hard on over the last decade….But when those tools sometimes don’t feel like enough…You crave the HOW, to help you hold onto hope….but the HOW is what fucks us all as humans….

Once you let go of the how….you become HAPPY…Because the how doesn’t matter…you just KNOW you want to BE HAPPY vs. how you are feeling (some form opposite of happy) It’s really that simple….Even through the discomfort and darkest shit fuckery of life…you STILL have to move on, as a human, through that hurt & hard, and figure out HOW to live again…..You either fight to figure out how to be HAPPY, doing what brings YOU JOY, or you literally fuckin drown in the darkness of unhappiness. That’s. How. Simple. It. Is.

Do you want to be happy or not? If someone asked you that, right now, what would your answer be?

Do you want to be happy or not?

Me: IMMEDIATELY YES!
And for me, again, that’s letting LOVE, my intuition and my inner voice, of what FEELS BEST in that magical moment to lead the way….It hasn’t steered me wrong thus far and I have to have continued utter faith and certainty I am safe, supported, guided and exactly where I am supposed to be….Here in California, writing my first book, laying my soul out for the world to see and hear, envisioning where I can only imagine I’ll be in a year…

I shared earlier on socials and with some close friends, but something BIG is coming and I can feel it…Whether it’s publishing my first book, my human is on the way (he definitely is) or an opportunity with speaking my truth, continuing to create through my words, my voice, my art…SOMETHING is coming and I am claiming it today 7/7/23 and I cannot wait to check back to this journal post in one year when I am a best selling author of my first book The Mean & The Magic.

And so it is.

Thank you for being here & now with me and taking the time to read my words