Expect Nothing
October 1, 2023
Hello October….somehow. It is wild to me that September has come and gone, October is here, a new month, and Fall is officially here in New England. And that’s because it’s a Sunday Funday and I did some serious Fall thangs like apple picking with my family, eating way too many apple cider donuts and watching football in my jammies while crafting up some first time potato nachos (holy yummmm)
It’s been a weird season honestly and September just flew by…So much happened, but actually didn’t it feels like. In comparison to where I was LAST September I have to stop, celebrate, exhale and be proud that I am still here. Last September I was grieving, in ache, after losing Jacob suddenly in May in SC and having just moved back home to MA to heal the hole in my aching heart, last September compared to now, seems worlds away.
I find with this new month of October upon me something is coming, changing, transforming, brewing under the surface, morphing inside of me as I can feel myself letting go of old narratives that no longer serve me. And it is UNCOMFORTABLE. Because these are the stories that have kept me safe, but small, and what I was “supposed” to be doing the last years of my life…and it’s not working for me anymore…Because I KNOW I am supposed to actually be leading with LOVE, instead of LOGIC, and that is not what most human beings do and not what we are taught as humans. Because when we lead with logic, letting our brains do the processing, instead of letting our heart and intuition lead the way, we play it safe, we stay comfortable, small, in the norm of what we are used to or taught to be doing…
Well, I repeat, it’s not working for me anymore and it doesn’t feel good…Especially over the last year as I’ve continued to learn to LEAN into LOVE to HEAL this gross grief that took over my world and I have to newly navigate without choice…Love saved me. Love is leading me. Trusting my intuition more. Letting my heart lead, even when my logical brain wants to shut it down…I am letting the light and love inside of my soul SHINE bright like the sun, just blinding the fuck out of anyone in it’s path unapologetically and it is terrifying….
Whoever thought just learning to BE and let LOVE LEAD would be so scary…Like especially when I KNOW, inside of my heart and soul, that I am meant to live life differently, lead, help humans heal their hurt and hard by sharing my own hurt and hard, through LOVE. I am meant to lean into this discomfort of letting these old narratives go to let humans know they can overcome their shit fuckery and darkness and write a new beautiful, exciting narrative that is one you know you’re meant to be living, breathing and embodying like you’ve always imagined. With LOVE, light, peace and ease leading the way.
This October I know it is going to be a wild, weird, wonderful life changing month for me. How? I don’t know…I just KNOW. I can feel it, inside my soul….I am doing things I’ve never done before just like I did in September with my Whole Foods Healing, Health and Happiness Workshop I hosted at the yoga studio I’ve practiced at for the last year. THAT was a bucket list item checked off the list…with a decade in the making of information, knowledge, experience, passion, joy I was able to share with humans who see my shine and want to soak it up. I just let love lead…and I made exciting new connections, opened up opportunities to continue my reiki practice and have scheduled distance and in person reiki sessions for October. Because I let love lead…
I am stepping into the season of who I am meant to be while apart of this planet as a human. I am meant to be connecting with humans MORE 1:1 to help them gain relief, feel better, heal and HELP themselves during this experience. And I know it is through reiki, in person and distance. And by just being myself, shining my light, leading with LOVE, sharing my experiences, hurts and hards, the mean & the magic, and those who want to soak up my story and magic will and those who are not ready and able to hear me will miss my message, and that’s okay. But I truly know there is a message in my mess and it’s meant to be heard…And NOW is the time…Literally words from one of my new poems in my book I am eagerly awaiting to be published…..
I’m going into this October truly with no expectations….of myself, and sadly I am learning of others too…I am recognizing that this season is different than the season of September and Summer I am laying behind me. This is a new month, a new opportunity this October to write a new narrative that serves the human being I am working so hard to become. I am reminding myself to slow down and savor the moments, the hard work, the magic I am making as this human being too, because here and now is truly all I do have. I am eager, excited and honestly anxious in ways as I come back to home to myself…It doesn’t feel NEW, it feels like it’s been there all along…just under all the shoulds and supposed to bes…
I’m still learning to let go, lay it down, surrender and just detach, from human beings, experiences and expectations….it’s my greatest lesson honestly, and it’s hard as fuck sometimes and it hurts…You expect something to go a certain way…you hope, you pray, envision, dream, and then things don’t turn out your way, maybe worse OR maybe better….either way it’s not how YOU wanted and it changes things…Same for humans, you expect, want, hope, pray, humans will show up for you, the way you show up for them….and then if something happens and they don’t, then YOUR expectations of them, end up leaving you lost and hurt….
Humaning is hard sometimes, it hurts when we hold onto hope and try to lead with love and I keep reminding myself when it hurts too much to hold on, it’s time to lay it down, let it go, surrender, allow and just BE, believe that despite the discomfort, the detachment of each moment as it passes by like a cloud, I am truly fully safe, support, guided and exactly where I am supposed to be…JUST LET LOVE LEAD and let it go when it hurts to hold on.
In Massachusetts, October 1, heading into a new month, riding the wave, I am reminding myself to keep rising above, laying it down, letting it go and letting LOVE lead the way….
>>>Less logic, more love >>> One magical moment at at a time all month long.
